Someday You Will Miss Me When I'm Gone...

I'm not a perfect person.... by any means at all. I've made more mistakes in life than I am able to count. I regret the ones that tore my relationship apart, but through my mistakes, I now know the person I never want to be again.

I was recently out shopping and happened to run into an old friend from my early 20's. (I say it like I'm old, haha, but only because I feel it). The person actually said to me- I can't believe how different you are- "How much you've changed." I laughed and said I grew up... that's what people do in their adult life-- they grow up! They continued to tell me how they've waited years to catch me on a season of The Bad Girls Club-- I laughed even more! I may be crazy, and yes, back then I had no fears, and an attitude that you only live once. I wasn't much of a scrapper, but I would never hesitate to put someone in their place if need be. I was a bit more popular then, but I was also about 90 pounds lighter than what I currently am... but aside from my physical appearance- I did change. I became involved with a man, that I thought was the relationship that I wanted, somehow I realized soon in that I wasn't ready for the same things that he wanted. I loved him. I still do, but he changed me and my life forever. I was no longer the party girl I used to be with him. I was a stay at home girlfriend- taken and spending every moment together. I was a little resentful at times because I wasn't quite ready for the relationship I got. At some point I wanted what he wanted, but at that moment- I just wasn't ready, and with that being said- This Bad Girl made some poor choices and one thing lead to another. I've come to terms with my faults, and my wrongs. I've tried to make them right, but some just aren't as forgiving as others.

I never claimed to be perfect, I was once just very confident in the type of person I was going to be. I let someone change me, and maybe not for the worst. Though our relationship didn't work, he taught me things I needed to know about myself, and about the people I once wanted to surround myself with, unfortunately those people I drank and partied with... are exactly where they were 3 years ago, but worse off.

I'm done crying over things I no longer have control over. I can't make anyone love me who doesn't, I can't make someone accept me, and I can't make anyone forgive and trust me.... the only way for me to be ok is to love, forgive, and let go... I am who I am, and I'm going to stay true to myself. I'm okay with that.