4th of July is coming up!

Fourth of July used to be one of my most favorite holidays as a kid... now that I'm older, not so much. I often think about the cookouts we had years ago when my cousin Josh was still alive. That was one of the few holidays I saw him.

I find that I'm thinking about him a lot more these days. I ofter go through phases where I get used to the idea that he's gone, and he remains in my thoughts, but then other times it seems like he's all I think about. Maybe it's because it's slowly creeping up on the 5 year anniversary of his death. I can't believe it's already been this long... when it honestly sometimes feels like yesterday he disappeared without a trace.

Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time, and erase this whole thing from happening, but ever since I could remember, Joshua always told me- he was going to die before he reached 30. I never thought 23 was ideal though. Sometimes I wonder if he knew. Could he foresee things like this? Being Native American, with a spiritual belief, it's possible that he just knew. I don't know why all of this is so heavy on my mind today...

I'm still feeling good because I'm changing my life, letting go of people, and situations, and moving on. I'm completely OK, with becoming an Adult... it just would have been nice if some people were around to see me through all these transitions.... then again, Josh probably would have encouraged me to do things differently, haha. I miss him.