4th of July is coming up!

Fourth of July used to be one of my most favorite holidays as a kid... now that I'm older, not so much. I often think about the cookouts we had years ago when my cousin Josh was still alive. That was one of the few holidays I saw him.

I find that I'm thinking about him a lot more these days. I ofter go through phases where I get used to the idea that he's gone, and he remains in my thoughts, but then other times it seems like he's all I think about. Maybe it's because it's slowly creeping up on the 5 year anniversary of his death. I can't believe it's already been this long... when it honestly sometimes feels like yesterday he disappeared without a trace.

Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time, and erase this whole thing from happening, but ever since I could remember, Joshua always told me- he was going to die before he reached 30. I never thought 23 was ideal though. Sometimes I wonder if he knew. Could he foresee things like this? Being Native American, with a spiritual belief, it's possible that he just knew. I don't know why all of this is so heavy on my mind today...

I'm still feeling good because I'm changing my life, letting go of people, and situations, and moving on. I'm completely OK, with becoming an Adult... it just would have been nice if some people were around to see me through all these transitions.... then again, Josh probably would have encouraged me to do things differently, haha. I miss him.

Detox

I've been saying for months, that I need to rid my life of people who are going absolutely no where! Those who I have talked about it with know this is something I have been wanting to do for at least 10 months now, but apart of me felt guilty for wanting to end friendships with people because I know I am better than them, and can't be around jealous people who want to bring me down. I slowly distanced myself by not going to outings and parties that I was invited to, then I went and deleted them, and their family from my facebook and blocked them, until finally it was time to end it. My mom has always taught me that no matter where you go in life not to forget where you came from and the people that were there. Out of loyalty to the people who were there in my past- I remained friends, but continued to feed them with a long handled spoon for quite sometime, BUT lets face the facts-- We outgrow people who aren't on the same level as us, and FINALLY that time has come for me. I honestly couldn't be happier. Sometimes things happen for reasons, so when in doubt, go with it, and always let go of people who want nothing but to hold you back in negativity, because life stops for NO ONE.

I'm a mature adult, and to settle for anything less than respect is just beyond crazy. I will never settle for disrespect in any situation no matter who they are- just because someone has been in my life for a long time, but is jealous of the things I've accomplished in life, and the kind of person I am does not mean that I have to keep you in my life.  I've outgrown you. There is no reason at all for me to keep a fake jealous person in my life. If the relationship is toxic with anyone, my best advice is to end it, no matter how it ends...end it! When all these people are gone, you find yourself at peace... and believe me. I have a long list of people I have let go, and I have never felt better! Who needs the additional stress and drama. I wasn't raised in the street, and I surely will never ever stoop to the level of a low life ever again. I'm at peace while those wanting to bring me down are miserable with their own life, and hide behind lies. I know the truth. I need nothing more than that.

If you're unhappy, find what makes you happy. If you want more from life- then do it! I will never settle for anything less than I deserve in my life. I have been through a lot, I have overcome a lot, and I have succeeded with the support of my loved ones- my family, and a few close friends. I'm completely content with that.

All things good or bad come to an end. :)